Crush

Dear M,

I saw you two years ago, then I saw you back in April. I asked my friend about you, then he sort of help me to get to know you by giving my phone number to you.

When my friend gave my number to you, you whatsapp me on the same day. You start the conversation first , and you always say Hi first. After a few days you asked me out, but its late and we have to set other time. The moment you asked me out I was the happiest girl on earth.

Then we went out for iftar at Sara Thai, well actually you have no idea what I was look alike, just looking at my whatsapp picture. But I’m pretty sure my friend have told you about me and show my picture. *I guess* Then since your car broke down I have to pick you up, which is so awkward. In the car I asked you “dah order makanan?” and then you said “Dah, air je belum.” and I asked “order makan apa?” you replied “Surprise”. I was like berbunga-bunga. Haha Girlssss biasa lah. After makan, solat and we went to ECM for shopping. I feel like special, you treat me well plus you’re taller than me. I feel safe and secure. Normally orang yang suka kat saya rendah2 skit haha :p Then we went to Uniqlo, you wanted to buy jeans, then we moved to Giordano. You asked me which size better, M or L. I feel like newly wed haha sebab shopping sama-sama. Okay overr! :p Then sambung shopping after that we went to Bazaar at Stadium to find your baju raya. Last stop at Acutera Restaurant, bought your makanan for sahur and of course we ordered drink and talk about everything. I told you that tomorrow is my last day at work. I’m gonna start new job at Terengganu, and you feel happy for me. Then I sent him home.

The feeling after that only God knows. I really happy and hati rasa berbunga-bunga macam dilamun cinta. Actually memang la, but at that time I know he had a girlfriend. So I have to control my feeling towards him. Conclusion is, I’m so so so so happy because dalam banyak-banyak crush sebelum ni, experience ni paling best. Because you like him first then suddenly he text you (with help from a friend la) and dia yang put effort to text you first and asked me out (berdua). Which is soooo sweet. Sampai mama pun suka kat dia. The best part is kawan mama cakap dia ni tak pernah keluar lepak2 dgn perempuan, (kecuali dia pg Shah Alam jumpa girlfriend dia) and suddenly it turns out to be me? Lagi lah rasa special haha. :) And masa keluar tu ada la terjumpa kawa office dia, tapi buat biasa je. Esoknya dia pegi office kawan dia tanya dia pergi mana semalam. Haha nak kecoh jugak la satu office.

So, It was nice meeting you and keluar makan shopping semua. Dah lama tak rasa perasaan tu. Thank you M.



P/s: Tapi....... after that night ada la chat, and he asked me out. Cumanya I feel tak selesa mengenangkan dia ada girlfriend and kitaorg keluar berdua. Memang lah lelaki kalau nk keluar, nk keluar berdua and nk somebody sbb girlfriend jauh. Tapii entah la... (bersambung..)

Penang Trip

This time trip to Penang with my girls Sophie and her cousin Mira, the plan was backpacking style. So mmg backing habis lah. Banyak jalan kaki and naik bas. Kitaorg naik teksi sekali je, tu pun nak pegi War Museum. Sebab agak bahaya dan jauh nak jalan kaki. Tapi half way jugak la nak sampai, sekali ada teksi cina mabuk nak kacau kitaorg masa tanay price teksi. apa lagi cau dulu la, then tahan teksi utuk naik atas balik. Bila nak turun call teksi, tapi tak de yang available so end up tumpang bas trip sekolah untuk turun bawah haha, see I told you backpacker habis. :D Untuk yang beginner backpacker, kalau korang nak mudah tempat macam Penang, Melaka, KL senang untuk backpack. Sebab public transport senang dan banyak. Kalau kat Penang, Rapid Penang sangat banyak, senang nak dapat and memang bas ni akan bawa ke tourist attraction.. Murah pun murah. Contohnya kalau  nak pegi Bukit Bendera or Batu Feringgi pun ada bus, so tak payah la susah-susah nak sewa kereta or naik teksi. Kata backpackers kan.

Tips: Kalau sesat, nak tanya jalan ataupun apa-apa lah yang anda tak tahu jangan segan silu bertanya, diorang ni ramah. Tapi ada tu kalau ramah, ramah sangat pulak haha. Ingat "malu bertanya sesat jalan" :)

Bajet kitaorang  dalam RM250+- itu include flight ticket (return) kitaorang naik Malindo Air (sepatutnya backpacker naik bas or train tapi sebab nak jimat masa since kitaorg pergi 3H2M and harga pun sama so we chose kapal terbang. Makan, so far kitaorang dapat rasa semua makanan Penang yang famous tu. Seperti yang kita tahu macam Laksa Penang, Pasembur, Char Kuew Teow, Nasi Kandar and Jeruk. Nasik Kandar kitaorang rasa 2 kedai famous, Nasi Kandar Line Clear and Beratur. Dua-dua pun sedap tapi saya lagi suka Nasi Kandar Line Clear, mmppphhh sedap sehingga menjilat jari haha. My friends Sophie and Mira ada la beli souvenir so tu include dalam bajet tadi. Diaorang beli t-shirt and kipas tak salah. Since saya dah pernah pergi a few time so tak rasa nak beli apa-apa pun. Fridge magnet pun dah ada jadi beli jeruk Pak Li je lah.

Tempat-tempat yang kitaorang pegi agak banyak and tu semua tourist attraction. So far I kitaorang had fun even ada tempat yang saya rasa tak payah pegi pun tak pe, tapi dah nk stick to the plan/itinerary so ikut je lah hee. Mostly semua tempat nak basuk kena bayar, tapi tak lah mahal sangat pun. Paling mahal RM20, War museum yang lain below that.

Where Rainbows End/Love Rosie - Cecily Ahern

To the most inconsiderate asshole of a friend, I’m writing you this letter because I know that if I say what I have to say to your face I will probably punch you.
I don’t know you anymore.
I don’t see you anymore.
All I get is a quick text or a rushed e-mail from you every few days. I know you are busy and I know you have Bethany, but hello? I’m supposed to be your best friend.
You have no idea what this summer has been like. Ever since we were kids we pushed away every single person that could possibly have been our friend. We blocked people until there was only me and you. You probably haven’t noticed, because you have never been in the position I am in now.
You have always had someone. You always had me. I always had you. Now you have Bethany and I have no one.

Now I feel like those other people that used to try to become our friend, that tried to push their way into our circle but were met by turned backs. I know you’re probably not doing it deliberately just as we never did it deliberately. It’s not that we didn’t want anyone else, it’s just that we didn’t need them. Sadly now it looks like you don’t need me anymore.
Anyway I’m not moaning on about how much I hate her, I’m just trying to tell you that I miss you. And that well . . . I’m lonely.

Whenever you cancel nights out I end up staying home with Mum and Dad watching TV. It’s so depressing. This was supposed to be our summer of fun. What happened? Can’t you be friends with two people at once?

I know you have found someone who is extra special, and I know you both have a special “bond,” or whatever, that you and I will never have. But we have another bond, we’re best friends. Or does the best friend bond disappear as soon as you meet somebody else? Maybe it does, maybe I just don’t understand that because I haven’t met that “somebody special.” I’m not in any hurry to, either. I liked things the way they were.

So maybe Bethany is now your best friend and I have been relegated to just being your “friend.” At least be that to me, Alex. In a few years time if my name ever comes up you will probably say, “Rosie, now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years. We used to be best friends. I wonder what she’s doing now; I haven’t seen or thought of her in years!” You will sound like my mum and dad when they have dinner parties with friends and talk about old times.

They always mention people I’ve never even heard of when they’re talking about some of the most important days of their lives. Yet where are those people now? How could someone who was your bridesmaid 20 years ago not even be someone who you are on talking terms with now? Or in Dad’s case, how could he not know where his own best friend from college lives? He studied with the man for five years!
Anyway, my point is (I know, I know, there is one), I don’t want to be one of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, so influential, and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory. I want us to be best friends forever, Alex.
 I’m happy you’re happy, really I am, but I feel like I’ve been left behind.
Maybe our time has come and gone. Maybe your time is now meant to be spent with Bethany. And if that’s the case I won’t bother sending you this letter. And if I’m not sending this letter then what am I doing still writing it?

“I wake up in the morning and I feel like I’m missing something. I know that there’s something not right, and it takes me a while to remember what it is . . . then I remember. My best friend is gone. My only friend. It was silly of me to rely so much on one person.”

Life is funny isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.

And that’s with following all the signposts.

There aren’t many sure things in life, but one thing I know for sure is that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You have to follow through on some things.

I always give up, Alex. What have I ever had to do in my life that really needed to be done? I always had a choice, and I always took the easy way out— we always took the easy way out. At our age the burden of double maths on a Monday morning and finding a spot the size of Pluto on my nose was as complicated as it ever got for me.

“At first we had so much to catch up on we were talking a hundred words a second, barely even listening to the ends of one another's sentences before moving onto the next. And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. What the hell was it?
It was like the world stopped turning in that instant. Like everyone around us was wiped out. Like everything at home was forgotten about. It was like those few minutes on this world were created just for us and all we could do was look at each other. It was like he was seeing my face for the very first time. He looked confused but kind of amused. Exactly how I felt. Because I was sitting on the grass with my best friend Alex, and that was my best friend Alex’s face and nose and eyes and lips but they seemed different. So who was this man that was sending my heart into a frenzy? So I kissed him. I seized the moment and I kissed him.

I got the oddest feeling when you turned your back to me to walk down the aisle with Greg. It was a pang of jealousy. Is that normal? Did you get that feeling on my wedding day, or am I going completely crazy? I just kept thinking over and over in my head, “Everything is going to change now, everything is going to change.” Greg is the man for you, now he gets to hear all your secrets, and where does that leave me? It was a weird feeling, Rosie, one that eventually passed but one that was present all the same.

She is you, Rosie. The little girl with the raven-colored hair and pale skin is the girl I used to go to school with. It was amazing. Even talking to her I felt like young Alex again. Toby kept a watchful eye over me though; I think he was afraid I would steal his friend away. I felt like I was keeping a watchful eye over him too, because he was stealing my friend away. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn’t you.

Our life is made up of time; our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years. We grab a quick few minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could. In other words, if you could change anything, would you?

Everything is spinning around us, jobs, family, friends, lovers . . . you just feel like screaming “STOP!” looking around, rearranging the order of a few things, and then continuing on . . . It was just a thought. I know you’re having a really difficult time right now. Please know that I’m always here for you.
Love, Rosie

Rosie,

I’m returning to Boston tomorrow but before I go I wanted to write this letter to you. All the thoughts and feelings that have been bubbling up inside me are finally overflowing into this pen and I’m leaving this letter for you so that you don’t feel that I’m putting you under any great pressure. I understand that you will need to take your time trying to decide on what I am about to say.

I no what’s going on, Rosie; you’re my best friend and I can see the sadness in your eyes. I no that Greg isn’t away working for the weekend. You never could lie to me; you were always terrible at it. Don’t pretend that everything is perfect because I see what’s going on. I see that Greg is a selfish man who has absolutely no idea just how lucky he is and it makes me sick.
He is the luckiest man in the world to have you, Rosie, but he doesn’t deserve you and you deserve far better. You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of getting scared and being too afraid to try.am not scared anymore Rosie. I am not afraid to try.


I no what that feeling was at your wedding—it was jealousy. My heart broke when I saw the woman I love turning away from me to walk down the aisle with another man, another man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. It was like a prison sentence for me. Years ahead without me being able to tell you how I feel or hold you how I wanted to.
Twice we stood beside each other at the altar, Rosie. Twice. And twice we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but I was too stupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day. But we got it all wrong.
I should never have let your lips leave mine all those years ago in Boston.
I should never have pulled away. I should never have panicked. I should never have wasted all those years without you. Give me a chance to make them up to you. I love you, Rosie, and I want to be with you and Katie and Josh. Always.

Please think about it. Don’t waste your time on Greg, this is our opportunity. Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance. I promise I’ll make you happy.
All my love,
Alex

Whoever thought those childhood dreams of running a hotel weren’t quite beyond my grasp after all? It’s funny because when you’re a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There’s no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you’re hit by the realization that you can’t be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less.

“I had a million plans. I knew what I was going to do. I had the next few years of my life all figured out.
But what I didn’t know was that within a few hours all those plans would change. Ms. Know-it-all didn’t quite know it all so much then.”

Rosie: Well believe me Alex, there are certain kinds of silences that make you walk on air.
Alex: That, I no.

Rosie Dunne I love you with all my heart, I have always loved you even when I was seven years old and lied about falling asleep on Santa watch, when I was ten years old and didn’t invite you to my birthday party, when I was eighteen and had to move away, even on my wedding days, on your wedding day, on christenings, birthdays, and when we fought. I loved you through it all. Make me the happiest man on this earth by being with me.


(copy from: p-i-quot e-book)

"All You Never Say" - Birdy

All you never say is that you love me so
All I'll never know is if you want me oh
If only I could look into your mind
Maybe then I'd find a sign
Of all I want to hear you say to me

Are you uncertain?
Or just scared to drop your guard?
Have you been broken?
Are you afraid to show your heart?

Life can be unkind
But only sometimes
You're giving up before you start

I find myself waiting

I find myself waiting
for a call from you, a text
message, an email, a letter
in my mailbox with a Vincent
van Gogh stamp in the corner.
I’m still waiting, still anticipating
for the moment when you
will bring me back into your
life, or come back into mine.
It’s been nine months since I have
last heard from you. We went
from being inseparable for three
years to being complete strangers
in a matter of minutes. What were
we thinking when we thought
that this distance between us
could only make us stronger,
only bring us closer together?
We were fools in love from the
very start, and now that we
have reached our end I can
still only see us as those hopeless
romantics who are yearning
for love like it was the only
feeling that we ever needed
to keep us from falling apart.

"We may have been fools, but at least we were fools in love," - Colleen Brown

 

(mostlyfiction)

Maybe

I know that you know that I still want this, still want you. If anyone happened to look in my eyes, they could see the same thing. They could see where I went wrong when I told you that there would never be enough love inside of my heart for the both of us. They could see those words laced in regret and a fire that has been created from dedication in hopes of getting you back. So when you look into my eyes I hope you can see where I went wrong and just how much energy I’ve used trying to make it right.

(mostlyfiction.tumblr)

Did you

Did you really think that trying
to remove my memory from
your mind would really work?
When you became a part of my
life I became a permanent
part of your body. I am inside
of every limb, and you can
try to scrub yourself clean
of me but I can promise you
that no amount of soap and water
will ever free you from the effect
that I had on your entire being.

(http://mostlyfiction.tumblr.com)